These questions were questions that came in during out special event: Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Pleasure. Many questions were answered during the events, but some were not. Please see the following list of questions that were not answered during the event.
1) My boyfriend is not a Christian but he loves me. Is this ok?
I am assuming by the implication of the question that you yourself are in fact a Christian. So I will answer it on that perspective. So on that note, we are going to have to define love from that perspective. Because it seems as though the basis for your reason to hold on is through the lens of what the man can offer you, and not the fulfilling love that God can provide through a faithful man of the gospel. But first we must address a broader issue.
2 Corinthians 6:14 will tell us, “ Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” The context of this Scripture is that we as Christians would seek out fellowship (which is friendship, guidance, encouragement, etc.) from nonbelievers. This does not mean to not have friends that are nonbelievers. Your friendships with nonbelievers are intentional. Those friendships have a purpose, and that is to see them come to know the beauty of Christ. After that happens, you can have fellowship. You cannot have FELLOWship without FELLOW Christians. If that is the case with friends, then how much more should it be with a boyfriend or girlfriend. This is the one person that you will most likely go to with all of your problems, the person you will mostly likely spend of your time with, and the person that knows you deeply. It would be a tragic case if you were to be with someone to lead you in the wrong direction out of “love”.
We must define love as God defines his love for us. Since God is the author of all love, we will go to him. Romans 8:38-39 tells us, “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus”. God’s love is EVERLASTING, and can never be thwarted. Regardless of the situation, he never leaves because he is devoted to you and has made a covenant with you. Which means, without the end goal of marriage in the near future, in which he is committed to, it is impossible for him to love you. On a second note, he can’t even love you this way completely because he doesn’t know God. His love may only be selfish. If he doesn’t have marriage in mind, which my guess is he doesn’t being in high school, then you should be just friends. Because this is how he is to love you one day; Ephesians 5:25 tells us, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her with the washing of the water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in all splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” He is in charge of your growth in God. He cannot do that if He doesn’t know Him.
2) If you have sex with someone, are you married in God’s eyes?
Absolutely not. If that were the case, God would have no problem with polygamy (Which is a man married to multiple women). God loves marriage. It is the perfect example that we can experience for His love for us. Genesis 1:28 coupled with Genesis 2:24 makes that very clear. However, In 1 Timothy 3:2, God makes it even clear by saying a man must be a “husband of one wife”. And if that were true, polygamy, then adultery what not exist. However, it does, and God doesn’t think to highly of it. In fact, Sodom and Gomorra were destroyed by fire from heaven for their sexual immorality. Any sex outside of God’s designed covenant of marriage is adultery/ sexual immorality, which is a sin that must be repented of. In John 4, Jesus makes a mockery of a woman who thinks that she can do sexual favors for rent, which he then calls adultery. The good news is, Jesus has open arms for the adulterer who desires to repent and turn to Him. His grace is overwhelming. The best example that I know of is in John 8:1-11.
3) Is there such thing as lust towards your wife?
No there isn’t. Well, I guess if you define lust as sexual thoughts of another individual, then yes. That, however, is not condemned anywhere in Scripture. In fact, Scripture tells a husband and wife to not deprive one another so that that doesn’t happen in 1 Corinthians 7:1-6. In marriage, your wife’s body is declared yours and your body is hers (I strongly emphasize the MARRIAGE part of the sentence).
4) Does marriage get rid of lust problems?
That is a common misconception. Marriage does not, and will never be the “almighty” cure for the disease of lust, regardless of how attracted you are to your spouse. Lust is a heart issue that has to be laid at the feet of Jesus in order for it to be rid of. As mentioned above, Paul talks in specific about this matter. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-6, warns spouses (married couples) not to deprive each other sexually, in order that they would not fall prey to temptation to lust and adultery. So it is very clear in Scripture that lust exists, even in marriage. If it didn’t, The Bible would never have to address adultery (which is the act of a spouse cheating on the other).
5) Why is abortion wrong?
This is probably one of the most controversial questions of our era. We as Christians believe that the Bible is the divine, and inerrant Word of God. It isn’t just some compilation pile of books thrown together by some sweaty, backwoods men. We believe that the Bible was written by one author (God), through the useful hands of many chosen men. That is the standpoint by which we will answer this question.
Generation Ministries believes that abortion is wrong because it is the murder of a young child and ultimately selfish. A baby, sometimes as early as 2-3 weeks, already has it’s own functioning heartbeat. That is around the same amount of time it takes a young woman to realize that she is pregnant. This is murder because the baby has its own functioning set of organs, and is using them at this time as well. When we look in Luke 1:39-41, we see that Elizabeth is pregnant with John the Baptist, and is about 6 months into her pregnancy. Mary is told by God in a dream that she is going to give birth to the Messiah, and so she leaves to go visit Elizabeth. The moment that Mary walks into the room, Elizabeth’s baby, still in the womb, LEAPS FOR JOY!! Babies, in the womb or not, have their own bodies, organs, and life. To take that away from them would be considered murder.
Then, we have to think about the motive for you wanting to get rid of the child. Is it because you don’t want to deal with the responsibility? Do you love your lifestyle too much now to change? Or maybe even a legitimate one, were you the victim of a rape and now stuck with the outcome? God is not surprised by anyone that gets pregnant, whether by accident or intentional. Nobody ever catches God off guard. He is aware of everything (Ephesians 1) and works ALL things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 makes it very clear that God will not give you anything that He doesn’t know you cant bear. If you find yourself pregnant, God has wired you to handle it. Otherwise, He would not have allowed it to happen. He is worthy to be trusted.
Now this question also could have come from someone that has already had an abortion. I would say this: Jesus loves you very much. His grace is absolutely sufficient, or good enough, for you. You can never mess up too much. “God shows His love in that while we were YET (or still) sinners, Christ died” (Romans 5:8). There is never a point where we earn the salvation and peace from God, but rather He allowed His grace to wash over us, even when we deserved none of it.
This is a very hard ordeal to go through, and I would suggest that you find a leader or a Pastor that can help you through this situation. We can’t imagine the mental and emotional pain that an abortion can send you into. Find a leader, or a community group, which we have both.
6) When do you know it is the right time to get married?
The first step is going to be to get out of high school. I don’t mean just to pass through high, barely passing. Rather, I mean by putting effort into your schoolwork, so that you may be able to go to college, get a job, and provide for your wife. The right time will never be in high school.
Two Scriptures immediately come to mind when I think about this. The first is Genesis 2:24, saying that a man should leave his mother and father’s house and cling to his wife. In order to do that, he must have a house in which he and his wife can live. The second Scripture that comes to mind is directly related to that and it is 1 Timothy 5:8. It basically says that if a man does not provide for his household, he is worse off than an unbeliever. You must be able to provide for your household, financially and a place to live. Even spiritually!! Ephesians 5:25 says that the husbands MUST be able to be in charge not just of their own sanctification (growth in Christ), but also his wife! In fact, if his wife comes into the marriage with certain struggles, and a year later, has the same struggles, the husband is accountable for that. Women should be looking for this type of man, or at least a man heading in this direction faithfully. But again, you will not find this guy in high school.
7) My best friend has asked me to have sex with him and I know its wrong but I would have to ruin the friendship. What should I do?
He is not a friend. In fact, I would call him a pig and a coward. If he is a Christian, I would call him out, inform a Pastor, and get away from him. If he is not a Christian, get away from him. 2 Corinthians 6:14 would tell us not to be unequally yoked with nonbelievers. That context is, that unless your sole purpose is to get him to come to know Jesus, flee from that guy. 1 Corinthians 6:20 says, “…for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” Your is not your own, but is the Lord’s. If he wants to use you for that, then run away. 2 Timothy 2:22 would tell you to “Flee youthful lust and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, ALONG WITH THOSE WHO CALL ON THE LORD WITH A PURE HEART.” Surround yourself with these people. He is not a real friend.
8) Is having a wet dream a sin if you are doing it subconsciously?
This is a very difficult question to answer, but I feel as though Scripture might give us a little bit of insight. If you are having wet dreams, I would, as well as Scripture would say that this is birthed directly out of what is going on inside of your heart. And your heart is a sin factory as we will see in Matthew 15:16-20. “And he said, ‘Are you also still without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. FOR OUT OF THE HEART COME EVIL THOUGHTS, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person.’” Jesus began by saying that out of the heart comes evil thoughts, or sinful mindsets. Then He went directly into saying that whatever sinful is going on inside of your head (conscience or subconscious, because we cant always control our immediate minds) begins to work its way out into your hands. In other words, if you are not careful, and address these dreams, it might start working its way outward to a conscience decision. But nonetheless, Jesus said that ALL of these defile a person. The answer then is yes it is.
9) If you are engaged with someone, are you still supposed to remain abstinent until you are married?
Yes. Until the day that you actually get married, and “ you leave your father, and your mother and hold fast to your wife/husband” (Genesis 2:24), only then are you allowed to consummate the marriage, or have sexual relations of any kind. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:36, “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly towards his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry- it is no sin.” He basically said, if a man cannot keep his sexuality under control, let him marry his wife so that he does not sin.
10) What do I tell my friends when they say it is hard to quit having sex?
I will base my answer on the notion that your friends are Christians, seeing that I have no idea why they would tell you that if they weren’t. I would begin to ask them if understand exactly the severity of sin, and the severity of refusing to turn away from that. The main reason I say that is because I would tell them to break up with there girlfriends/boyfriends. Because if there is a God who is creator over all, then we want to take him seriously, as well as the things he says. So we want to heed the advice that Jesus, God in the flesh, gives us in Matthew 5:29: “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.” Obviously that is not literal. What he is saying is that it is better to break up with that girlfriend/boyfriend than to be caught refusing to repent, ultimately ending badly for them.
If they are just promiscuous, then I would begin by talking to them about their salvation, because they may not be saved. If that is the case, explain why sex before marriage is wrong, which can be found in earlier questions, then explain the Gospel to them.
11) Do you think that someone can be a homosexual and still be a faithful Christian?
This is also one of those very controversial issues due to the culture that we live in. Most people think that homosexuality is no big deal because we are called to love. So, they think that it is the same type of love that they would show someone of the opposite sex, thus making it equal. Another common misconception is that the Bible doesn’t say anything regarding the situation. However, the Bible is very clear on its stand on homosexuality:
1) Romans 1:26- “For this reason (the reason being idolatry) God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for this error.
2) 1 Corinthians 6:9- “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality…”
3) 1 Timothy 1:8-10- “Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality….”
God is very clear on His stand on homosexuality. Therefore, to answer this question, no I don’t think you can be a faithful Christian and be a homosexual. God has told us, through His word, that homosexuality does not glorify him, in fact is deemed sinful. Most people will then say, “Well what is the difference between a Christian that lies, or steals, and a homosexual? People get away with that all the time?” Technically, there is no difference. Every sin is an infinite sin because of the infinite God we are sinning against, and if not repented of, is damnable. Romans 1:26 is that example of what God does where there is no repentance. He gives you over to your desires and you slowly become distant and cold towards God to the point of no longer feeling. That is called his passive wrath. Homosexuality is a lifestyle, and if a Christian is refusing to repent and turn away from it, God gives you over to what you want. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to struggle. But if you are going to, struggle the right way. Find a leader, pastor, community group, or fight club that can help and pray for you.
